COLLECTION: Making Money the Easy Way
Before we get started, you’re going to need to meet a good friend of mine: This is Toilet-paper Head. He must live within feet of my apartment because he pretty much spends his day guarding my door. What does such high-end service cost me, you ask? Not a dime! Nope, TP’s sole source of income seems to come from asking for change from passers-by.
But did you notice how much money he had in his hand? Those are all quarters. And this was taken at about 10AM yesterday morning. Best I can figure, either someone was on their way to do laundry and TP jumped him—highly unlikely, the guy’s a big teddy-bear… unless you try to break into my building, then the claws come out—or homeless people are uncanny salesmen. Who knew?
If only there was some way to harness that awesome power.
And that’s when it hit me.
Bum-Boards.
Much like billboards, Bum-Boards are intended to capture the imagination of consumers while they walk from point A to point B.
Hell, every other inch of Manhattan is covered with advertising, why not?
The string goes around the neck so as not to inhibit the “change hand,” but while TP was willing to help me test my product, the marketer inside him quickly realized the advertisement would be far more effective if he held it out toward it’s intended audience.
The profits would be shared, obviously, and the ads could even be targeted. I mean, why put an pitch for a Bentley around the man’s neck… he has toilet paper on his head, HE ALWAYS HAS TOILET PAPER ON HIS HEAD, surely there’s no better man to sell a Kleenex product.
Thrilled with my latest million-dollar-idea, I rushed back to my desk to make some more.
Obviously this one would work for just about anyone…
As would this one…
But this would probably be best for a drunk of some sort…
Hell, you could even do higher-end products so long as the slogan makes sense…
Anyway, I was about to start placing them, or “putting more street-side contractors on payroll as part of my Beta-group” as my business plan would no doubt call for, when I got an even better idea.
Having read the comments at the end of my last post it seems there are some people out there who think they could do this kind of stuff better than me. Competition, as is always the case in a free-market economy, only makes for a stronger product, so I invite you to try. Below you’ll find a link to download your own full-size set of Bum-Boards. Print ‘em out. Pass ‘em out. Take some pictures and email them to me (the address, as always, is Jakehimself@hotmail.com). Let’s see what’cha got. Best one wins, um, something… but really, as a man of my word, I promise it’ll be something good.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD YOUR OWN FULL-SIZE BUM-BOARDS.
Ooh, double bonus points if you use this for something I can use as an ad for the site. Doesn’t have to be a homeless person. Who knows… Get creative.
Good luck.
But did you notice how much money he had in his hand? Those are all quarters. And this was taken at about 10AM yesterday morning. Best I can figure, either someone was on their way to do laundry and TP jumped him—highly unlikely, the guy’s a big teddy-bear… unless you try to break into my building, then the claws come out—or homeless people are uncanny salesmen. Who knew?
If only there was some way to harness that awesome power.
And that’s when it hit me.
Bum-Boards.
Much like billboards, Bum-Boards are intended to capture the imagination of consumers while they walk from point A to point B.
Hell, every other inch of Manhattan is covered with advertising, why not?
The string goes around the neck so as not to inhibit the “change hand,” but while TP was willing to help me test my product, the marketer inside him quickly realized the advertisement would be far more effective if he held it out toward it’s intended audience.
The profits would be shared, obviously, and the ads could even be targeted. I mean, why put an pitch for a Bentley around the man’s neck… he has toilet paper on his head, HE ALWAYS HAS TOILET PAPER ON HIS HEAD, surely there’s no better man to sell a Kleenex product.
Thrilled with my latest million-dollar-idea, I rushed back to my desk to make some more.
Obviously this one would work for just about anyone…
As would this one…
But this would probably be best for a drunk of some sort…
Hell, you could even do higher-end products so long as the slogan makes sense…
Anyway, I was about to start placing them, or “putting more street-side contractors on payroll as part of my Beta-group” as my business plan would no doubt call for, when I got an even better idea.
Having read the comments at the end of my last post it seems there are some people out there who think they could do this kind of stuff better than me. Competition, as is always the case in a free-market economy, only makes for a stronger product, so I invite you to try. Below you’ll find a link to download your own full-size set of Bum-Boards. Print ‘em out. Pass ‘em out. Take some pictures and email them to me (the address, as always, is Jakehimself@hotmail.com). Let’s see what’cha got. Best one wins, um, something… but really, as a man of my word, I promise it’ll be something good.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD YOUR OWN FULL-SIZE BUM-BOARDS.
Ooh, double bonus points if you use this for something I can use as an ad for the site. Doesn’t have to be a homeless person. Who knows… Get creative.
Good luck.
42 Comments:
I will try... when I am done with my concept proposal! Any deadline?? LOL!
Have a good week. Jake!
Stick it to 'em homeboy. I like your style.
Clever. Time for those fuckers to put up or shut up.
I've been wondering when I'd see this. just fabulous. Imma try to get the jet one on that tragic spanger who has been trying to get home from the Lincoln Center for at least the last two years.
That has got to be the greatest idea in the world of ideas... Way to funny!!!!
Calling all haters, now is your time to shine.
Is he wearing the same headband you wore for the D'Angelo video when you got your head rowed? I thought you were kidding about TP being your boy, but now I've got to wonder.
Great idea! I hope all those insecure smoo's accept your challenge.
are you looking for a date?
My house was flooded last night. My boyfriend is fucking around on me. My company is downsizing and I'm pretty sure they're looking at me as dead weight. And there was no hot water this morning at the motel I check into.
Thanks for making me smile. If you lived within a thousand miles, I'd make it up to you on my hands and knees. Let me know when you come to Arizona. I'll make it worth your while.
Fucking brilliant
Maybe you need to open it up to gay guys and you would get a date faster. Could happen, could be more fun
Both you and TP hate the razor. No wonder you're such good friends.
don't go to miami. hurricane is on the loose. katrina is gonna getcha.
I was just talking about how the homeless should be used in reality TV shows, but this advertising thing could be huge. Would I trust a diaper endorsed by a homeless man? Goddamned right I would.
Interested in the VMA's?... my friends and I might be hitting the Pre-Show... and maybe try our way onto the White Carpet Show.
While I usually find your postings amusing, this one was horrible. I can't believe you felt comfortable making light of homeless people and had the nerve to ask that man to pose for you...
So I'll be back tomorrow for more.... ;)
wow how dumb is this. I thought more of you Jake untill this. you must for real have run out of things to do. This is the lamest yet.
Hey anonymous, don't you get it? He's calling lame douche-bags like you out. Either do something better, or don't come back. Not this in between I-don't-even-have-the-balls-to-write-my-name-which-would-pretty-much-still-be-anonymous-anyway bullshit. I grew up with haters like you (Philly can be that way) and every time I go home someone wants to say something because I went out and made something of myself. So I punch them in the mouth. If you ever want to man-up and tell people who and where you are I'll do the same for you.
—Mike G., former Jake co-worker, full-time Jake back-haver
Oh my god, I know that guy. He must live in one of the flop-houses up the block. How come people only give him quarters? What happened to the rest of the change spectrum?
Sorry, but Bumvertising has already been invented.
http://www.bumvertising.com/
coming to a street corner near you Jake and his homeless posse
You should come to Detroit. Tons of homeless people there to play with. Fuck, I'm about to be homeless if I dont find a new place to live before the month ends. Wanna hang?
i posted that i wanted to see his hot cock again, and he took it down :(
what a tease
Not from Miami, but flying out of LGA heading there tonight. You're more than welcome to shack up w/us @ the Shore Club all weekend. On a purely platonic level of course.
If you haven't found a fun girl for your date in Atlanta I'm available. Judging by your posts it'll shape up to be a fun time. My name is Jennifer and if you want to get together e-mail me. Jyoung14@student.gsu.edu
Apparently there is a guy in the Seattle area that has already thought of this idea and has received attention from so group claiming something about exploaitation of the homeless.
worthless blog.
jake -- your bumboards are better, but the seattle guy was out there a little bit ahead of you.
[metblogs]
This post made no sense! Bum Boards?? WTF??
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Jake is a victim of his own success.
It happens to the best of 'em.
he's still hot
Jake, when it comes to Texas, I am your man - er, date.
You can come to small town Alvin, and see my 1982 falling apart tin can RV, that has no hot water or AC. That is fun in Hot Texas. Then we can got to the Busy Bee, where I wash dishes part time and have a nice shrimp dinner with the good ole boys. After that we can head tot he Strand at Galveston and catch what ever is at the Opera House.
I am sure after all those other dates with hot women, just a relaxing time with an old guy who thinks you pretty hot might be a nice departure. I mean you go out of your way to do things that are semi-disgusting and outrageous, when that is a defintion of my life.
PS
Maybe someone could "do this stuff better than" you, but they could never be you. It is not waht you do, it is you doing it. It is for me anyway.
this is boring
anonymous:
then go do something else.
check out my blog at www.enricher.blogspot.com
Hold on! Where'd your trip to Miami go?! You can't just do that...or can you?????
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