COLLECTION: The Truth about Cats and Dogs

NOTE: For years I’ve been telling this story, but I wasn’t really sure if it was web-friendly. Then I had a party the other night. Someone found the pictures in one of my many shoeboxes of snaps and, well, the general consensus was, ‘If they did it, fully aware they were being taped for TV and with full knowledge that you were taking pictures… well then, why not?’ Still, I decided to run it by a lawyer first (the somewhat questionable “Full-extension Steve,” so named for the way his body stretches when he bowls, who represented me in a deal with MTV recently that, after a year of negotiations, led to little more that legal bills). Anyway, using the same logic as above, he saw nothing wrong with my putting it up, but felt I shouldn’t use people’s real names—something about them being “performers.” Fair eneugh. So without further ado…




About two years back I went to Jamaica with some friends. It’s hard to explain why, but things got kinda boring. I actually ended up going home early.


But before I did, my friend Derek was like, “Hey, you ever shoot pool water out of your ass when you were young?”
“Um, no.”
…extended silence…
Finally someone asked, “How far a spray are you talking about?”
To which Derek replied, “Yo bro, I could knock that soda can out of your hands from all the way over here. You load up on a pool jet, then...”


Clearly it was on.


Sadly, I missed the actual moment of impact. Let me tell you though, IT WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE.


Luckily, I wasn’t the only one impressed. Librarian said he wanted to do it too.


Happy times, right? Watch out, we’re loaded. Ready…


…aim…


…fire!


Now here’s where things get even weirder. I’ll spare you the details, but later that day Librarian realized he was going to have to go home (we’d come up with a system so everyone knew when it was their time—this way there’d be no fighting or backstabbing). Somehow he ended up drunk and naked on the roof. First he recreated the pool stunt. Then he gave one of the strangest speeches of all time. Really, it was impassioned. And though it wasn’t a tearjerker per say, I think it’s fair to say there wasn’t a dry eye in the house when he was though.


Why is this picture here at all? No reason really. Except to say this: Though not every second of my time in Jamaica was as incredible as the pool incident, the place sure had some beautiful scenery.